Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself

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The book is a little outdated, and though Melody strives to stay neutral when referring to gender roles, there's definitely a bias towards the male alcoholic and the stay at home wife codependent trying to fix him. There's also quite a lot of (unnecessary) religious bias, which of course the 12-step program relies heavily on. Vertimas. Nėra jis labai blogas, visur eina suprast apie ką kalbama, bet vietomis smarkiai nesušukuotas / nedaredaguotas. Visaip nutinka su tom knygom, bet kai skaitai antrą leidimą ir nežinia kelintą tiražą, nervuoja. Pvz: Kartais gyvenant su alkoholiku, lyg ir neturinčiu didelių problemų, pavyzdžiui, negeriančiu, nedalyvaujančiu jokioje sveikimo programoje, mūsų "aš" gali būti daug sunkiau nei tada, kai problemos būna baisesnės. (p. 262)

What is codependency? In Codependent No More, Melody says, “the heart of the definition and recovery lies not in the other person-no matter how much we believe it does. It lies in ourselves, in the ways we have let other people’s behavior affect us and in the ways we try to affect them.” We all share somewhat similar attachments to people and things. The problem arises when we fail to put our interest first, which forces us to give up to the demands of others and neglect our own. The feeling of failure comes as a consequence of this lifestyle, which drains you of your time and energy. This book will prompt you to climb the highest point and have a broad overview of how your life should be structured. The mindset that you nurture is going to be either your best friend or your worst enemy. 12min Tip You cannot help but notice that codependents must deal with a handful of problems including the scariest one of all: separating the truth from the lies. Understanding of codependency Religion, God, and a higher power isn't for everyone. And when that is a reoccurring topic in a book meant to help someone struggling with codependency, mental illness, or just a rough chapter in their life, a person who is struggling with God, religion, or God as Him may have a hard time separating steps with their own emotional triggers or, simply, their beliefs. I felt I had a harder time stepping away from my own emotions to grasp the message. Ultimately, I wish this book was more Higher Power neutral that also aims to the agnostics, atheists, and religions who practices more with nature, the universe, or multiple gods.This leads to the next talking point that codependents are not attached solely to people but to the environmental situations as well. They are somewhat compelled to put the feelings of others above theirs with total disregard for their interests. After finishing Codependent No More, I can already feel that this will be a relationship game-changer. Like, Awaken the Giant Within, The Laws of Human Nature, Mindset, Flow, Messengers, You Are the Placebo, and Thinking, Fast and Slow. This feels like an immediate significant resource to share. What I didn’t know or recognize Although I am not dealing specifically/only with an alcoholic, there are other controlling behaviors that this applies to. Not necessarily a chemical or substance dependency. Anything that affects your behavior that you find yourself trying to control situations to avoid that behavior. What’s not good? When “a person who relies upon a codependent does not learn how to have an equal, two-sided relationship and often comes to rely upon another person’s sacrifices and neediness.” Going Forward to a Healthier Relationship

I have been aware of the term 'Codependent' for a long time, but it only recently popped up on my personal radar as something to look into and understand better. Within days of my starting to take an interest in the topic this book was referenced in another I was then reading (Traumata, by Meera Atkinson). A few weeks later I was looking at audiobooks in the local library and spotted this title, so immediately chose it. This is not an accurate portrayal of a codependent individual, but it serves as a good starting point. It’s merely a profile that can help us dispel doubts regarding the urges of these people.In all honesty, there are innumerable definitions about codependency. All of them are focusing on the consequences of codependency and less on the actual causes that fuel this should. We call it a disease.

A friend, Scott Egleston, who is a professional in the mental health field, told me a therapy fable. He heard it from someone, who heard it from someone else. It goes: Being dependable is a good thing in relationships, but like all things, there is a balance. How much do you give to your partner, and how much do your wants and needs remain a priority? You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. " And you have learned how to stop the pain".”

A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behavior. There is a process to progressing a relationship, and my deal breaker came down to timing and that process. Interestingly, something I read in Codependent No More was how “a second, more common denominator seemed to be unwritten, silent rules that usually develop in the immediate family and set the pace for relationships,” in the chapter defining codependency.A “common thread runs through all stories of codependency. It involves our responses and reactions to people around us.” How have I demonstrated this, and where have I experienced this became questions I wanted to answer.

We trust that Someone greater than ourselves knows, has ordained, and cares about waht is happening. We undersatnd that this Someone can do much more to solve the problem than we can. So we try to stay out of His way and let HIm do it.Don't feel hesitation for demonstrating their rage about injustices done to others but shy away from applying that same logic under circumstances that cause disturbance to them. Self-care does NOT correlate with the position you have in society, nor does it reflect what others think of you. Moreover, it signifies our sincerity in handling relationships and the pressure of the issues that may crop up. I think the baseline message was articulated very well, in terms of what the core dynamics of codependency are - essentially, caring too much about, and being too influenced by, what other people think, want, etc. There was some really useful discussion about this, as well as plenty of individuals' stories which aided, to some degree, in describing some real-life scenarios that 'codependents' find themselves living and reliving. We try to live happily---focusing heroically on what is good in our lives today, and feeling grateful for that. We learn the magical lesson that making the most of what we have turns it into more. Detachment involves "present moment living"--living in the here and now. We allow life to happen instead of forcing and trying to control it. we relinquish regrets over the past and fears about the future. We make the most of each day. ...